Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental illness that severely impacts a person's ability to regulate their emotions. Or as I like to refer to it, the disorder that turns me into a moody b!tch.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is not an easy thing to define. I think a lot of that is because of the misleading name. People often think it means multiple or split personalities. This is not the case.
“It is called 'borderline' because doctors previously thought that it was on the border between two different disorders: neurosis and psychosis. But these terms are no longer used to describe mental illness. It is sometimes called emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)."
The 9 symptoms of BPD as summarised by a fellow sufferer:
Fear of abandonment. You’re either afraid people are going to leave you or you leave them first to avoid getting hurt.
Unstable relationships. This is the “I love you” one day to “I hate you” the next day saga. Always bouncing from one extreme to the other.
Unclear or shifting self-image. Goes hand in hand with point 2. While you have strong feelings and opinions about others, you also have them about yourself too.
Impulsive, self-destructive behaviours. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, spending sprees, you name it. Anything that makes your temporarily feel good but ultimately ruins you.
Self-harm. Recurring feelings or thoughts of suicide and self-harm.
Extreme emotional swings. Oh my favourite. Constantly interchanging between multiple emotions, going from happy highs to low blows. Not to be confused with bipolar and mania.
Chronic feelings of emptiness. Due to the constant bouncing around of thoughts, this is likely a result of the first 3 points listed.
Explosive anger. You’re likely to have a short temper but depending on your upbringing, you might already be in control of this emotion. As in, although you might not be throwing things around and verbally abusing people, internally you have a volcano erupting inside of you that eats you up from within.
Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. Ahhh the paranoia and ruminating. It’s not a BPD list without this on the end.
What Causes BPD?
Professionals believe that borderline personality disorder (BPD) is caused by a combination of inherited or internal biological factors as well as environmental factors, such as traumatic experiences in childhood.
Personally, I think a huge chunk of it (especially in my case) was brought on by the latter.
Considering majority of my complex PTSD is from my youth, it’s fair to make the assumption that my mental health disorders were developed off the back of those experiences.
What does BPD feel like?
It’s like you’re stuck in fight or flight mode. All day. Everyday. You’re constantly on high alert and once triggered by a thought or event, your rational brain no longer exists and you’re living off your primitive survival instincts. Which of course means you will hunt down and hurt the person who took your sandwich out of the kitchen fridge at work.
You can never really trust or believe things you think or feel because one day you may really desire something and then the next day you can’t stand the idea of it. This isn’t a huge issue when grocery shopping but certainly becomes a problem when deciding whether or not you want to reproduce.
Is there a cure?
No, not really. But I do personally believe that through the right treatment one could learn to live a half decent life with this disorder. Mine's mostly ok, but that's what this blog is about. To share a candid view on what it truly is like to live with BPD and how I navigate the drama it causes in my life and for those around me. #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #borderlinebetter #mentalhealth
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